you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Alive.
So much puke
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
