Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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