If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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