I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
