you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
