Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize