I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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