I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize