Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
