You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am naked and annoyed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
