did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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