this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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