Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
