you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I love having hate sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
