Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
