4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
