i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
