"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
