Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
