I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
