don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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