i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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