I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
