I could make wine with my vomit
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
