I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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