Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We're too hungover to prance.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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