Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
