# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
