therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
