Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am in a vortex of obligation.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
