Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
