no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
