thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
