that's an acceptable place to lick
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
