it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
