I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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