I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
