have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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