I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
