Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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