Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
