Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
