haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
