He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
