I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've blown a few things in my day
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
