How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
In America we eat man semen.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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