I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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