Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
