quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
