She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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