Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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