It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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