i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
