I wish I only lived at night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
