what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
