apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
