i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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