Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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