I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She bit a glass in half.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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