You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So many bounce houses so little time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
