So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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