Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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