I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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