All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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