It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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