I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
