If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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