***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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