The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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