I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
