I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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