I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your penis caused this!
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