Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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