i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
