Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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