i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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