Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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